the martin twins

as you've probably heard ricky martin had twins with a surogat mother and plans to stop working for a year to take care of them. I think it's really sweet and his sexuality is not important here. of course everyone thinks he's gay but in the end it really is his private thing and it's probably not just his decision to stay closeted if this is true. can you imagine the machinery behind such a famous singer?

and just look at this picture - they look so happy together! how can society be so cruel to judge love and happines?



and can we really blame him for spending time with this major hottie??

you know what would maybe be a perfect scenario for me one day? to have 2 kids by a beautiful surogat mother - one with my semen and other one with my partners...
that way they would be half-brothers and each would have his own biological child :)
I know that I'm just dreaming now but still... it would be nice ;)

the boyfriend to be

These past couple of days I've been on the beach constantly... I just love it how relaxing it is to sunbathe still soaked in water while the mild breeze is calmly touching your skin. The only problem is there are so many hot guys to look at... Being in the closet and living in a country that's not gay-friendly makes u constantly monitor yourself. a) you don't want somebody to notice you're checking a guy out b) you don't want the guy to notice you're checking him out cuz in the worst case it can get ugly. I constantly try to imagine how would it be to live in a world where this is 100% accepted. You see a guy, check him out, he sees it, checks you out, you meet up and go out for a drink!

I am currently searching for a boyfriend. I really need somebody to love emotionally and sexually. I am sure I will find that special someone, it may just take some time. Somebody to laugh with, somebody that attracts me physicaly, somebody that will be my best friend, somebody to look deeply at his eyes for no apparent reason when I wake up besides him, somebody to have wild sex with, somebody to comfort when he's sad, somebody to go out for an ice-cream with...

Somebody to help me do the laundry...




Somebody to share a book with and have great conversations about it afterwards...



Somebody that loves dogs and wants to have one...



Somebody that loves me for just being me.



All the pictures are from Major Model.

the fantasy

you know how there is always something you desire to do next sexually...
first thing I wanted to try on my freshman year was fucking a guy.
needless to say it went on and on & afterwards even some toys were included.
as sophmore year came, cumming on someone's face and slight tie games became a reality.
on my junior year I did my first threeway. and a younger guy. and an older guy.

but last couple of months I started thinking about one thing I wanted to try in bed - sleep over. yeah that's my next wild fantasy - wake up hugging someone I might actually like. I think I'm ready for something more serious. I want to have a boyfriend for the first time. but the thing is I still don't even consider coming out under there circumstances I'm in. so - how can a straight pretending guy actually meet another guy that he likes not just for sex but also as a friend?

EDIT: This article from Out Magazine says exactly what I've been saying...

I don’t wanna be

We live in a world filled with various stereotypes. Some of them start at birth.
While parents patiently await for the doctor to tell them the sex of their future child they may say that it doesn't matter but actually it does. Most of them hope for a boy. An heir that will be the one to lead on the family name. But little do they know the boy they are going to parent may just turn out to love boys a bit more passionately than girls.

I kinda feel trapped in this world of mine... working every day to make a perfect image of something I am not. It's hard when you see some of your foregin friends approaching guys in bars, looking deeply at their boyfriend's eyes in public, checking out that cute guy's butt without being afraid that somebody might not like what they are doing. And all I actually want is just that - freedom to be who I am.

Will I have leave my country (that I love besides that) to be free? I don't know. But living like this my whole life is just not an option.

"I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I've peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta to do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me"